Move Past It Initiative
The past already happened. Stop living there.
No consultants.Just Frank.
No filter.No apologies.
Politicians have plans.Frank has systems.
A five-star nation.Finally.
The Platform
Serious policy. Until you read it.
Bird Law Is The Law
America deserves legal clarity. Birds do not get special treatment.
Don’t Hide Freedom Act
Freedom isn’t something you hide. It’s something you scream about.
Fight Milk For Schools
Strong bodies. Strong America. Questionable nutrition.
Rum Ham Security Initiative
Energy independence starts offshore, preferably moist.
Wolf Cola Strategic Reserve
The right cola for the right America.
Derivative Bullshit Reduction Act
Cut the crap. Reduce the bullshit. Bring back the original bullshit.
Department of Systems
You gotta have a system. Frank has several. None have been audited.
Meet Frank
A no-nonsense American. A businessman. A visionary. A five-star man.
For decades, Frank has been creating opportunities, developing systems, solving problems, and occasionally causing them.
America has tried politicians. America has tried celebrities. America has tried billionaires. Now it’s time to try Frank.
Get real weird with it.
Endorsements
America’s finest questionable voices agree.
“He threatened me, so he has my vote.”— Former Campaign Staff
“I don’t know what the system is. He says that’s the point.”— Concerned Donor
“Finally, somebody who understands bird law.”— Legal Expert, probably
Press Room
Campaign news that gets worse as you scroll.
Frank Announces “Get Real Weird With It” Doctrine
The campaign confirmed the doctrine is “more of a system than a policy.”
Derivative Bullshit Task Force Opens Investigation
Officials declined to define derivative, bullshit, task force, or investigation.
Wolf Cola Reserve Reaches Critical Capacity
Campaign staff deny allegations that the reserve is just a cooler behind the podium.
Campaign Store
Official campaign merch.
Donate by buying something ridiculous. Full checkout is coming soon; for now, these are the launch collection mockups.
Get Real Weird With It
The official campaign tee.
$29.99
Bird Law Is The Law
Legal clarity for a confused nation.
$29.99
The Plan Is The Plan
Do not ask follow-up questions.
$29.99
Move Past It
A healing message from an unwell campaign.
$29.99
Wolf Cola 2028
The right cola for the right America.
$29.99
Rum Ham PAC
Putting ham on the table for America.
$29.99
Fight Milk For Schools
Strong bodies. Strong America.
$29.99
A Five-Star Nation
America deserves the rating Frank already gave himself.
$29.99
Campaign Sticker Pack
For laptops, bumpers, coolers, and bad decisions.
$14.99
Official Campaign Poster
Put Frank on your wall before history does.
$19.99Support The Movement
Give Frank money. He’ll know what to do with it.
These buttons are placeholders until merch checkout is connected. For now, the campaign accepts vibes, screenshots, and poor judgment.
FAQ
Questions people keep yelling.
Is this a real campaign?
No. This is a parody website.
Is Frank qualified?
Define qualified.
Can I buy the shirts?
Coming soon. The store is being connected after the designs are finalized.
Is this affiliated with anything official?
No. Completely unauthorized. That is part of the charm.